Confessions and Motivations

A little less than two years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn’t like who was looking back at me.

(Crap picture, I know, but I didn’t have a whole lot of pictures from the neck down to choose from!)

More specifically, I didn’t like the extra pounds I was lugging around.  My 5’2″ frame is supposed to weigh (at the highest) around 125, not the 165 I had packed on to “keep myself warm for the winter”.  So I decided to make a change.  I cut calories, increased exercise, and tried to make healthy decisions.  Little by little the pounds crept off.

I got down to 138, which is still high, but it was 27 pounds smaller than my highest!  What a great achievement!

So what happened?  Why have I found myself back in the position?  I can tell you exactly why.  I got lazy.  When I got down to my low, I decided I could just eat whatever I wanted.  I had done such great work, I deserved a break!  I wouldn’t put the weight back on!  I’d always been able to each whatever and keep the weight off!  (I mean, really???  Then how did I end up overweight??? This is a prime example of lying to yourself!)

I also got pregnant, which, even though I KNEW better, meant I could eat whatever I wanted cause it was “what the baby wanted”.  Bullshit.

What did this get me?  Uncomfortable and self conscious on what I consider to be one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on.  (I just got back from a week in Maui.)

So, today I can make a choice.  Continue on the path I have been on for the last several months, making bad decisions, not exercising like I should, eating crap OR do what is best for my body.  The main reason I started eating better and exercising before is because I wanted my body to be healthy for my future child.  I wanted a safe, healthy environment to grow my offspring.  What’s changed?  Nothing.

That is my motivation.  Not to look good in a bathing suit, not to feel comfortable in my clothes again, not to feel proud instead of ashamed that I don’t get winded going up the stairs.  Nope.  Those will all be bonuses, of course, but my main motivation is to be a healthy mommy for Baby D.

So, little baby, just know Mama is getting healthy for you, whenever you decide to show up.  I’ll be waiting…


4 thoughts on “Confessions and Motivations

  1. I know how you feel, and I think your reasons for getting healthy are the best possible! 🙂 I’ll be here working on my own journey along side you. We can do this!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s