Confessions and Motivations

A little less than two years ago, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn’t like who was looking back at me.

(Crap picture, I know, but I didn’t have a whole lot of pictures from the neck down to choose from!)

More specifically, I didn’t like the extra pounds I was lugging around.  My 5’2″ frame is supposed to weigh (at the highest) around 125, not the 165 I had packed on to “keep myself warm for the winter”.  So I decided to make a change.  I cut calories, increased exercise, and tried to make healthy decisions.  Little by little the pounds crept off.

I got down to 138, which is still high, but it was 27 pounds smaller than my highest!  What a great achievement!

So what happened?  Why have I found myself back in the position?  I can tell you exactly why.  I got lazy.  When I got down to my low, I decided I could just eat whatever I wanted.  I had done such great work, I deserved a break!  I wouldn’t put the weight back on!  I’d always been able to each whatever and keep the weight off!  (I mean, really???  Then how did I end up overweight??? This is a prime example of lying to yourself!)

I also got pregnant, which, even though I KNEW better, meant I could eat whatever I wanted cause it was “what the baby wanted”.  Bullshit.

What did this get me?  Uncomfortable and self conscious on what I consider to be one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on.  (I just got back from a week in Maui.)

So, today I can make a choice.  Continue on the path I have been on for the last several months, making bad decisions, not exercising like I should, eating crap OR do what is best for my body.  The main reason I started eating better and exercising before is because I wanted my body to be healthy for my future child.  I wanted a safe, healthy environment to grow my offspring.  What’s changed?  Nothing.

That is my motivation.  Not to look good in a bathing suit, not to feel comfortable in my clothes again, not to feel proud instead of ashamed that I don’t get winded going up the stairs.  Nope.  Those will all be bonuses, of course, but my main motivation is to be a healthy mommy for Baby D.

So, little baby, just know Mama is getting healthy for you, whenever you decide to show up.  I’ll be waiting…

Resolutions and Goals for 2011

Many people out there have decided to do a Resolutions 2011 type post.  I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon and do one of my own.  Here are the top ten things I am most trying to change or do better in 2011 (plus a bonus):

1.  Make healthier choices. This applies not only to food and fitness, but everything in life.  You have to take a long, hard look at the different aspects of your life and ask yourself if you are truly happy with the outcomes.  If the answer is no, and you can’t or don’t want to change something, move on.  It’s not worth the time, energy, or stress it might cause you.  Who wants premature wrinkles?  This also leads me to my next resolution:

2.  Let the little things go. As I said, you can’t control everything.  I work in an environment that can be very stressful at times (i.e. Holiday season) and more often than not, I have had to go off to a place by myself, grit my teeth, and then breathe and move on.  Most of the time people think or act without thinking.  It’s no reason for the situation to ruin your day.

3.  Blog more, but only if the content is worthwhile. I’m totally taking a page out of www.ohsheglows.com‘s resolution page.  She says it’s more about quality than quantity and I have to agree.  I’m work full time, have a full time husband who (joy of joys!) likes spending time with me, and have a chore list about as long as my arm on the days I get to take a break from work.  Blogging is a hobby, not a job.  I love hearing everyone’s thoughts on my blog, but, like Angela, unless my posts are 100% my best work, I won’t hit Publish.  I’d rather blog less with better content, than blog a bunch of random nonsense.

4.  Vlog. I love being on camera.  I always have even at a young age. I figured why not add some videos to my page!  There are some things (like chopping an onion) that are just better explained via video than words.  Plus, it would be great to be able to look back on my videos later on…kind of like a video scrapbook!

5.  Finish what I start. I am a procrastinator.  I usually start a project with every intention of finishing it right then…and then I get tired.  Or hungry.  Or distracted.  Something happens and I put off what I was doing and never go back to it.  Just go look at my basement!  (I was supposed to be organizing it when I was on vacation…in September.  I sorted everything in piles and then *poof* nothing happened.)  I also want to get better at putting things back where they belong.  I will use something and, instead of taking it right back where it goes, I just leave it.  This drives my poor husband crazy.  No more!

6.  Use coupons/be more financially aware. I was one of those people who never couponed.  Ever.  It was a waste of my time and energy and they never gave me coupons for anything I wanted, so why bother?  I still have a hard time using coupons at the grocery store for this reason.  I am very particular in what I buy and typically the things I buy are not things I typically get coupons for.  I do use coupons for most of the things I buy elsewhere though.  If I’m going out to a store or restaurant, I will do a quick check online to see if I have any coupons.  I’m going to be spending the money anyways, so why not try to save a few bucks?  It means having more money for vacations, people!  (One of my favorite websites to use is thekrazycouponlady.com.)

7.  Take more pictures (and not just of food!). I was a camera nazi in college.  I never went anywhere without my camera.  I still don’t, but I don’t break it out as often as I used to.  Then I regret the fact that I don’t have pictures of the events I went to.  I’m a blogger, after all!  It’s my job to take pictures.  This will serve as my disclaimer for all those people who don’t like to get their picture taken.  If you are with me, be prepared that you could very well end up in my pictures!  Just sayin’…

8.  Use cookbooks more. Cookbooks are fabulous.  They are filled with so much information!  I am going to try to use my cookbooks more.  I just received three new ones for Christmas and they are calling out to be used.  I still have yet to use my Art of French Cooking cookbook Carolyn got me for my birthday.  :/  I would like to say I would use my cookbooks at least once a week, but for now I’m just going to say I’ll use them more. Here’s hoping!

9.  Try more things that scare me. This resolution scares me.  Does that count?  I have a tendency to shy away from the activities and social engagements that make me uncomfortable.  Most people are this way I’m guessing.  I would like to put myself out there in 2011.  Imagine all the wonderful things that could happen if I quit getting hung up on the scary part!  For one, I could learn how to ski and develop a love for something that will get me outdoors and moving during the winter!

10.  Appreciate the wonderful relationships I have made over the years. This really doesn’t even need an explanation in my opinion.  My family and friends are the most important people in the world to me.  I try to let them know as much as I can, but people can always stand to get a little more love.  Tell your loved ones how much you care about them today and see what happens.

Bonus:  Get pregnant. This is more of a hope than a goal or resolution.  I know Baby D is just waiting to be conceived.  Here’s hoping, little fetus…

I wish you and yours a happy 2011!  Please feel free to share with me some of your resolutions and goals for the year.